Yay!

It is amazing to me just how quickly my standards flew out of the coop when I got bored. Amazing! Good gracious these past two weeks or so have SUCKED, haven't they? No? Oh well for me they have times eleven thousand. I haven't felt like me, I've been annoyed, mopey, apathetic, and entirely un-Zoeish. It's been so unpleasant. But, it's okay because all is remedied by a few simple face-palmish realizations.
I have been bizarrely preoccupied with the idea of dating. It's seriously sickening to think back on it. I didn't know why I felt that way or what good would come of it, or again WHY which is so frustrating to not know why you feel something. Anywho. The gist of it issss: I do not, in any way, want to waste my time on a load of heartbreaks and regrets and doing things that tempt me and distract me from what I should be doing. And really, when you look at it realistically, that's all that highschool, casual dating is going to get you. I don't like the idea of casually dating anyways. You do what you want, but when I think of dating I think of looking for love, and the odds are I will not find it during highschool. When I do decide to date and I think I'm ready for it and all of that, I don't want some flimsy little flicker of "love." I want the for real thing. Unwavering, unflagging, totally commited, straight up love. Brooke Fraser verbalizes it better than I can in one of her songs:
"Love, where is your fire? I've been sitting here, smoking away. Making signals with twigs and odd ends and bits, but still there's no sign of a flame. Imposters have been passing, offering a good feeling glow. But I'm holding out for what you are about; an inferno that burns to the bone. Some urge me to be temperate but lukewarm will never do. I want to burn with you."
I'm holding out til I find that. I'm not going to settle for anything or anyone just so I can have some momentary happiness when I know it's fleeting. God has exponentially better things for me, I'm not going to squander the time in which he's given me that I am free to learn and explore.
Plus teenagers on the whole are such feeling driven creatures. Including myself, of course, I mean just look at me this past week or so. And I don't want that kind of unstable thing guiding my relationship. Instead I'd rather have wisdom, patience, and selflessnes.
Also, dating creates such an artificial environment in which to get to know someone. Someone can be cute and charming and have great hair on a date, but that doesn't accurately portray that person for who they are, negative and positive characteristics alike. And it also can put a damper on some of your relationships outside of your couple-hood. That's happening to me right now and it sucks, and I wouldn't want to do that to my who support system of family and friends.


But those are all just my thoughts. Whether you agree with them or not, I think there is so wisdom to it. And that's how I plan on living for the next long while, and I'm not reluctant or annoyed about it. I'm looking forward to learning without any determents and, once I do finally meet whoever, not having any regrets about my past or any of that business. Yay!



To you, dear friend, and also probably the only reader of this thing: I guess you were right. I didn't like you after all, and I'll still feel the same way once you and her end. Sorry. But if you're mad or annoyed or sad or something about that, you may want to analyze what you're doing with her if you've still got feelings for someone else, because that's really not fair to her at all or morally right in any way.
But if you didn't get mad/annoyed/sad, great! That works out all the better. Have a great day today and tomorrow and forever. Bye.