Sitting here at my computer while all of my family sleeps peacefully in their private little niches, I am feeling quite artistic. Poignant phrases and random paragraphs continually form themselves in my head, and then fade back to oblivion once my brain is done concocting a story line in which they would fit nicely in. It's times like these when I wish dearly that I could draw, or paint, or sculpt. Put into a physical form the barrage of semblances and thoughts that I have, but the only tools I have at my disposal are words. "Over numbers, unencumbered, numbered words. Thousands of pages pages pages for words, more words than I had ever heard and I felt so alive!" Yes, they're lovely. But I get tired of their structure. Fragments, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, books, series, collection. There's such a formula to it, and you have to create beautiful things within that formula. Yes, poetry is nice in that it breaks the rules a little, but even in that there's just stanza after stanza. And poetry is all so overdone and over dramatic, and too many people think they're good at in when in reality they're not. Then again I shouldn't critisize someone else's self expression. Oh well, I just did.
But if I could just take a paint brush and a thing of paints and solidify these hundreds of ideas and daydreams! Make them into something other people could see and appreciate. Or pick up a piece of wood and chip away at it until whatever shape was inside of it is revealed. All I have are words to describe the things other people create, words to get people to picture events, not see them and experience them. My inadequacies are so infuriating, my inability to make beautiful things is such a constant source of aggravation to me. Well not constant, but it's there every time I have a blank piece of paper with nothing to put on it but words, or when I listen to music and get all daydream-y. It makes me want a new hand that's capable of capturing and recreating everything I want it to.

I think I like impressionistic paintings best. They get the movement and lighting right, without making it too solid and blunt. And it looks so simple, just splotch a bunch of different colors on a page and they take shape. Not mine. Mine remain blotches of paint on paper. Or disproportionate, crudely drawn people and animals. Or hastily scribbled designs in margins. I'm good at drawing trees, and that's it. Freaking tree after tree after tree gets a little old after a while! Dang.